Whether you’re planning a love fest or hate bash this Valentine’s Day, you might want to make time to celebrate the most important person in your life – you. I’m not talking about an ego party. I’m talking about emotional self care. When you love and respect yourself, you set the tone for how others treat you. Want to feel valued and appreciated by others? You have to role model for them what you want.
If your relationships aren’t fulfilling, ask yourself a few questions.
- Are you honestly enjoying interacting with this person or is it a constant stress?
- Are you in love with the person or are you in love with the idea of being in love?
- Are you in love with the person as they are or are you in love with the person you want him/her to be?
- Are you allowing this person to take advantage of you in an effort to make him/her stay?
- Are you hurt because this person doesn’t appreciate all you do for him/her?
- Are you settling for a booty call when you really want a serious relationship?
- Are you fantasizing about this person giving you love notes, kisses, roses to fulfill needs that aren’t being met?
- Are you not expressing your needs, expecting this person to magically intuit what you want?
- Bottom line – are you feeling used, abused or neglected?
Being a doormat for your mate, family and friends isn’t an expression of love. It shows a lack of respect for your value, your time and your energy. All of the running around and self denial and exhaustion are announcements of, “I’m not respecting myself so you don’t need to respect me either.” Maybe the message you are sending seems a little more subtle, but it’s the same underlying theme.
You can keep wishing and hoping others will do what you desire and continue to be disappointed, or you can start showing them what you want by doing those things for yourself. Who says you can’t write yourself a love note or at least look in the mirror and tell yourself you love you? Who says you can’t pick up some roses your next trip to the grocery store, just because you enjoy and want them? Who says you can’t designate fifteen minutes of time to yourself and instruct everyone to leave you alone under penalty you’ll make it thirty minutes if they bother you?
Appreciation and respect start with you. Sit down for a minute and think about what you want out of your relationships. Make a list of exactly what it is you need in your life. Then be an advocate for yourself.
Starting today, take a small step forward by role modeling one way you want others to treat you. Before you know it, you’ll have gained greater respect for yourself. And others will follow your lead and start respecting you as well.
Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a celebration of love. So join the party by giving yourself a big hug.